How To Drive an ATF Agent Crazy in 100 Texts or Less
by MamaBear2Two
Summary: Ezra really wanted to enjoy a peaceful day off. Unfortunately others didn't get the memo. Set in I'maMePanda's Far From Home AU, cuz she's super awesome like that! :)


Hey everyone! I am working hard on Band of Brothers today, *cheers* and I am really hoping to get chapter 12 out before the night is done, but as I'm currently taking a break, I figured I'd post this little bit of silliness. This fic came to be from a ridiculous little meme that I'maMePanda shared with me. With a bit of ingenuity and a lot of assistance from her, a funny email became this fic. It takes place in I'maMePanda's Far From Home AU and will likely be the beginning of another multi chaptered short.

Enjoy!

**FFH**

7:04am

Ezra blinked and looked at the time on the alarm clock, and then back to the phone in his hand.

7:04am

Who would be sending him repetitive texts at this ungodly hour? On his day off. With a grumble, he rubbed his eyes and turned onto his side, taking the phone with him.

_"Hey, Ezra! I know it's early, but what do you think of this website? BackpackCR?__"_

Scrubbing a hand over his eyes again, he looked at the texts in disgust. Five texts in a row. He wasn't sure what John Daniel wanted his opinion on, but he wasn't about to respond until the hour was more appropriate. He shoved the phone under his pillow, rolled onto his back and threw an arm over his eyes. The blasted phone chimed again, but he ignored it and drifted off into glorious slumber.

**FFH**

10:14am

_"Ezra, haven't you read my texts by now? Isn't it a good idea? To backpack there?"_

Rolling his eyes as he took a bite of the perfect breakfast he'd had delivered from the lovely little restaurant down the street, he typed out a seven word reply and hit send, ignoring the return chime that came moments later.

10:17am

"_Good morning to you too, John Daniel."_

**FFH**

He'd never understand young people. Adjusting his blankets and sinking further into the expensive Egyptian cotton sheets purchased by Mother on her last trip abroad- he intended to make the very most of his day off, he typed out a response to John Daniel's most recent text. The boy was nearly begging now.

1:52pm

"_I am unable to do what you are requesting, Mr. Dunne. It would undoubtedly cause more trouble than I have any desire to be part of at the current time."_

He'd read the young man's texts. Checked out the website. And while he understood why the two were requesting his assistance, it wasn't his responsibility. Purposefully throwing himself in the crossfire of not only Mr. Wilmington but the formidable Mrs. Wells wasn't exactly something he wished to do. Reaching for the remote, he turned the television on and began mindlessly flipping through channels.

1:56pm

"_It's not like I can't do it by myself, Ez!"_ the short half whine of a text was quickly followed by another, _"Just would be easier if you could….you know, help."_ Even through text, Ezra could hear the wistful pleading of the young man. His phone chimed again, another text coming on the heels of the last.

2:02pm

"_You've been all across the world, and you can't just tell them it's safe?! Jeez!"_ Ezra couldn't help but grin slightly. So Ms. Wells had joined the discussion.

2:37pm

"_I apologize greatly, but if you have not been given permission, I do not see that it would be beneficial to any of us if I aided you in traipsing halfway around the world."_

Ezra set the phone down, well aware how his young teammate and his girlfriend were going to respond to that. He looked back to the television, flipping through a few more channels, then grinned and set the remote down. That was more like it.

2:39pm

"_We aren't going halfway around the world!"_ The text nearly screamed at him, the obvious annoyance shining through. While Ezra was deciding if he was even going to bother responding, his phone chimed again.

2:43pm

"_Sorry, Ez. But...she's right. We're only going to Costa Rica. You've been there a dozen times, haven't ya?"_

Of course he had. But _he_ was not _them_. And to be quite honest, _they_ were beginning to irritate. He shoved his phone back under a pillow and took a book off his nightstand. One Thousand and One Nights. Nathan had gifted it to him on his last birthday, and he was pleasantly surprised by how much he was enjoying it. He rather liked Ali Baba.

3:15pm

"_I have. It's quite an extraordinary place to spend a vacation. However, I have not spent any time backpacking through the mountains or other equally inadvisable areas. I sojourned there on the beach, enjoying the sun."_

Like any normal individual, Ezra thought wryly as he hit send. Snuggling in a bit deeper, setting his book next to him, he turned his gaze to the television and was rewarded with an entire minute of peace before the phone chimed again.

3:16pm

_"I don't understand why no one thinks we're grown up enough to be able to do what we so choose! This is Casey again!"_

Ezra snorted. As if he'd been unable to tell the difference between JD's more petulant texts and the young Ms. Wells angry ones.

3:40pm

_"I believe one's actions tend to lend credence to one's maturity, Ms. Wells."_ Ezra texted back a bit later, then flicked his gaze back to the World Poker Series that was still playing.

Just moments later, his phone chimed, and with a sigh he picked it back up, staring for a moment at the text displayed on the screen before a bark of laughter overtook him.

3:41pm

_"We are sophisticated adults, okay? Just last week, I bought a vegetable!"_

Responding quickly, his brain ever ready with a comeback, he typed out a response sure to both stump and irritate the young people insistent on destroying his entire day off.

3:43pm

_"Carrot or broccoli?"_


End file.
